sermon excerpts: "Sex & the Spirit"

(Romans 8: 5-17; John 16: 5-16)
... We live in a world where sex can, and does, occur without any engagement of the spirit. Sex has often become reduced to the physical interaction of body parts, a commodity used to make money or attract attention.

While we know that within a healthy sexual relationship, lovemaking is a joyous and intimate act of celebration and surrender, there aren’t many examples upheld in society. Our world is more interested in the tawdry and sordid lives of Bill Clinton, Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. Is it any wonder that amid all the news about stained blue dresses, internet videos or one-night marriages, that any element of spiritual connection or awareness is missing from sex?

And I’ll pause for a brief moment to define a “healthy sexual relationship”, a term I’ve been using a lot over the last month. It is something developed in great detail by the “Our Whole Lives” curriculum for sexual education by the United Church of Christ and Unitarian Universalist churches in the USA. A healthy sexual relationship is: consensual, non-exploitative, mutually pleasurable, safe, developmentally appropriate, respectful and based on mutual expectations and caring.

But are these values in any way spiritual? They are all responsible and reputable, but does this address the question of sex and the spirit? Yes. Almost. Hang on a second.

In the Bible, we read of many instances where sex was a mistake. King David with Bathsheba, Lot’s daughters with their father, Onan with his sister-in-law, each of these had intercourse for the wrong reasons. We couldn’t really say it was love-making because love was not the reason for being together.

In light of this one-sided presentation of sex and sexuality, the writer of Romans tries to blame the body for the failings of the spirit and that one needs to subdue and prevail over the other. Thinking like this has led to the disjointedness that our lives seem to follow. We are so compartmentalized into church and state, rich and poor, male and female, gay and straight, and so on that we forget how connected we actually are to one another.

I do not intend to dismiss the letter the Romans outright; the truth contained in this passage is the notion that spiritual matters are eternal, fleshly concerns will perish. This set of priorities is valuable, it is the separation and the setting one up against another, flesh vs. spirit, that is problematic. Because we cannot change how we react through our bodies, those are natural instincts. So we end up hating ourselves because of our physical reactions.

We know, as people of faith, that our spirit is the most important part of us. Yet it is the most neglected. It is easy to care for our bodies and minds, there are clear strategies and studies about diets, exercise, being left-brained or right-brained, and whatever truth we wish to seek. About the spirit, there are no certain and sure answers to be found. Granted, being spiritual has supplanted being religious and churches are emptier because of traditional ties to conservatism, close-mindedness and being boring.

Yet we are no closer amid all the shelves of new books about spirituality to knowing anything more definitively than what we have in the Bible. In Romans, we learn that the spirit of faith is not one of slavery and fear, but one of adoption, like coming into a new family, into a new understanding and relationship.

The spirit is not some ethereal whitelighted glowing zap of lightning. It’s more earthy than that. It is our guts, our instincts. I’ve heard it said somewhere and I can’t recall who said it or in what context, but the comment was that our instincts are the oldest part of us, a connection to thousands of years of human experience and existence.

This is the gift of the Holy Spirit, given to us by Christ. And so we connect the oldest part of our identity to the one who gave us life and identity in the first place.

The spirit needs room to work. Jesus said himself that unless he departed (through crucifixion, resurrection and ascension) the Advocate (the Holy Spirit) will not arrive. The spirit will arrive to prove the world wrong about a number of things and Jesus is rather fuzzy in the way he says these things. And I’m not entirely clear on what he meant, nor am I confident that translation from Aramaic to Greek to Latin to English captures what he said.

What is clear is the connection between God, Jesus and this Spirit. In these are found glory and honour. Such connectedness is something to mirror and model in our own lives, not just with our relationships with other people, but within ourselves. All the parts of us that make us who we are, body, mind and spirit interrelated and interact.

Sex, when expressed in a healthy sexual relationship, brings together body mind and spirit. It is a wondrous and mysterious way to explore the integratedness of our being, and of another. On the other hand, sex without love, like acts of charity without love, is demeaning and shallow.

It is a frightening world that we live in. Preteen kids are engaging in oral sex more often and with more people than we like to think. Thanks to Viagra, STD infection rates are on the rise in Florida’s retirement communities. I have heard far too often, in movies, TV and books, if not conversations, the casual attitude, “It’s only sex.” Which is a shame, because it never is only sex.

It is about the integratedness of our being. We are the creative union of body, mind and soul. Sex is an expression, appreciation and exploration of the fullness of who we are. Our spirits can be incredibly damaged by inappropriate sex, harmful silence or inaccurate information. And yet, our spirits can also rejoice, praise and delight in love shared as a valued and treasured partner, equal and honoured.

For this tenuous balance between flesh and spirit, I continue to assert that the church needs to teach more about the joys that a healthy sexual relationship offers to the nurture and growth of an individual, while also giving accurate and caring information about the responsibilities and preciousness of this great gift. Oh God, Oh God, may it be so. Amen.